There has been a lot of talk about attraction in the pick-up community. One question particularly divided pick-up artists. And that question is,
“Do you already have an attraction just because you are a man and she is a woman, or do you need to work for it?”
In other words, people ask themselves whether there is an already existing chemistry between every men and women on the planet?
Whatever your opinion might be, we can agree that if a girl wants to go on a date with you, she probably thinks you are attractive in one way or another.
That means that all you have to do is not fuck up, right? Well, that is not entirely true. What you need to do is create rapport. People tend to make mistakes by focusing solely on attraction, so they overdo it, and the girl starts to feel nervous. Instead, they could understand that attraction is already there and what they have to do is make a strong connection with her and make her feel relaxed and secure.
If you are a very attractive, high-status celebrity, maybe you don’t need to focus on rapport too much, but you would still need to create some comfort before you can bring her home.
Now, have you ever come off a date and said: “Wow, we really had some connection”? That is probably because you two created a strong rapport without you even noticing it.
So, how do you create rapport and a strong connection with a girl? There are things you can do, but what you shouldn’t do is more important! So, let’s take a look.
1. Speak slowly
If you speak fast, you will look nervous. Focus on what you are saying, and make sure she understands you very well. This is good advice not only for creating rapport, speaking slowly also makes you look more confident.
Best way to make rapport is to speak slowly with a deep and not-so-loud voice, that would be perfect, but it takes practice, so for now, just focus on not speaking fast.
2. Body Language
In every FBI book with the subject of interrogation, they always say that the interrogator should synchronize his body language with that of the suspect. That way he gains trust. It’s the same with women.
Try to mimic her body language, or at least have similar body language. That way she will start to feel like you two “are on the same team” or that you two feel the same way. Don’t imitate her every move, just pay attention to her body language from time to time.
Pro tip: Make eye contact and keep it! Keeping eye contact shows confidence and makes her feel like you are listening to her. This is probably the most important thing to do in this guide!
3.Focus on her
You know that you have created strong rapport when she starts opening up to you and telling you stuff she would not normally tell a stranger. She should feel like she has known you for a very long time, and that’s when she starts to open up. To do that, you have to ask questions, but there is no magical question you can ask her that will make her instantly tell you all her dirty secrets.
Instead, you need to pay attention to what she says, you need to listen to her. And then, you will naturally know the right questions to ask.
Most of the conversation should be about HER. Make her say to herself after the date something like, “I told this guy everything, and I basically know nothing about him.” Stay mysterious, keep all the attention and focus on her.
4. Make sure she knows you “understand” her
Don’t judge her. When you create rapport, she will most likely open up to you and tell you some of her “secrets” and admit to you that maybe she cheated on her ex or something like that. It’s important to know that this is a test. She is testing your mindset.
If you tease her off or if she sees that you judge her even a little bit, the rapport would break, and she will know that she can’t trust you.
But, on the other hand, if you tell her that you understand her and that you don’t judge her at all, she will maybe tell you more about all the crazy stuff she did, or maybe she will get emotional and tell you some emotional story from her past. Make sure you listen to her, but also try to lead the conversation to what you want to talk about.
5. Lead the conversation
You can’t be her emotional tampon or her friend if you want to bring her in your bed. So, make sure you also keep the sexual tension in your conversation. And for you two to get to the sex topic, you first have to gain some trust with her. So, choose some interesting topics for your first date, and that can be traveling, childhood, partying, crazy stuff she did when she was drunk, etc. Make it personal, ask her what was the stupidest thing she ever did, or what was the stupidest thing she did this year.
When she starts talking about topics that can get you into the friend zone, simply change it, ask her something in relation to that but something that will change the course of conversation. Or tell her a story. Slowly but surely start talking about sex. When you have a strong rapport, and you start talking about sex, magical things happen.
6. Find a good place
Choose your atmosphere wisely. It’s a lot harder to create rapport with a girl in a loud nightclub full of people than it is when you two are alone in your room. If she doesn’t want to come to your place on a first date, take her to someplace with quiet music. Look for a table that is not “on the spot,” or one that is a little hidden from other people. Reserve that place. Believe it or not, if you do this, you’ve already done 30% of the job.
7. Things not to do
Rapport in most cases comes naturally. It is more important to not break rapport than it is to create one. I will list things that break rapport, don’t do these things and you will create a deep connection with your date before you even realize it.
- Don’t judge her.
- Don’t laugh a lot. Laugh only after she laughed and maybe not even then. A simple smile is enough. Don’t be too serious, but don’t laugh at her jokes just because she is good looking. Laughing at her jokes won’t get you laid. As a matter of fact, it can only ruin your chances of it.
- Don’t interrupt her with stupid comments. Avoid: “That’s good,” “That’s funny,” “Oh, that’s so bad for you,” etc. Just STFU and listen. Less is more with women.
- Don’t move your hands or change your body language too fast. Keep things simple.Just make yourself comfortable and enjoy, relax. There is no need to impress anyone.
My last advice would be just to – relax! Why is this important? Because, in most cases, whatever you feel – she feels! If you feel relaxed, she’s going to relax too. If she sees that you are nervous she’s going to get nervous too. So, don’t look around nervously like you just got out of jail or drink your coffee every 10 seconds.
In fact, you want to create a bubble where you two are focused on each other and none of the things outside your table matters. You should feel like you two are alone in the whole world in a cafe full of people. That is the power of rapport.
She needs to feel safe with you, that is why some women love older guys so much, because they create rapport fast, and women feel safe around them.
Rapport should happen in 15 minutes to 2 hours, and only longer in special situations. Don’t make it long. Remember, fast escalation is attractive. Deciding when or with what kind of girl you should go for a kiss earlier and when or with who you want to build rapport is a topic for another post.
All you need to know for now is that you already have attraction and you probably lack rapport in your dates. Start following tips in this guide and watch your results skyrocket!