Do you feel deeply in love with one girl with whom you don’t have a romantic or sexual relationship?
Do you suffer emotionally because she is not into you the same way you’re into her?
Would you rather hold her hand and kiss her all night instead of having sex with her?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then you may be suffering from oneitis.
What is oneitis?
Oneitis is basically an out of control crush which has turned into an obsession. It’s an idealization of a woman who isn’t in a romantic or sexual relationship with you.
Ultimately, it causes us to waste our energy and time on a woman we will never have.
A man that suffers from oneitis will imagine all those happily ever after moments. This usually means imagining having a cool life with this one girl, a big house with a pool and tons of cash. He and his girl are going to “take over the world.”
These illusions make things even worse since they’re responsible for you idealizing this girl which, in the end, results in being needy.
Why is oneitis a recipe for disaster?
If a woman gives you validation, and you are not accustomed to having a lot of positive reactions from women, your mind will make this girl special. Since most women are not kind to you, the fact that this girl is being nice must make her special.
Note that being kind in this situation actually means manipulation.
The chances are that this woman played hot and cold games and never planned to give you what you want – true love and sex. Maybe she even put you into a friend zone.
But by the time you realize this, it’s already too late. You invested heavily into this girl and simply don’t want to let go. It’s like gambling where you lost so much money and want to return it, so you invest more.
But an inappropriate level of investment that a girl has not earned makes you unattractive to her.
When you are needy for a woman, pickup (PUA) tactics like negging, for example, won’t work. You can try acting like you are not interested in her at all, but it’s so obvious that you are obsessed with her that you can’t trick anyone.
And nothing is a bigger turn off to women than neediness. Becoming needy too early is a crystal-clear symptom of your lack of success with women.
This means that your Sexual Market Value is low and naturally, women will find it repulsive.
Where did it all go wrong?
What can you do so next time you don’t make the same mistake?
For you to understand this, we need to go deeper.
Men have two very important needs. One is having sex with women, and the other is feeling loved.
We are all human beings, and we want to feel important to someone else; we all want to be loved and respected by a chick we like. And we all enjoy women’s energy around us; we need that.
Sure, I can tell you that your main mistake is that you didn’t have 10 other chicks you can call whenever you want, and I wouldn’t be wrong.
But the main mistake you made is that you focused too much on need No 2 (being loved and getting female attention) and forgot about need No. 1 and that is your sexual need.
Remember that a woman can only give you her honest affection and energy after she has slept with you.
She will hug, kiss and cuddle you honestly only after good sex. This is the only time a woman will give you affection with all her heart. And only then can you truly enjoy being around her.
What you did is the opposite; you tried to get her affection and love first and then take her to bed, which is almost always a bad idea.
So, next time you really like a girl, try to bed her as soon as possible. Every day that you two see each other without having sex is a step closer to getting oneitis and shooting yourself in the foot.
How to Cure Oneitis
But you want to know what can you do NOW; you have learned your lesson what to do with a next girl, but is there a way to do something about your problem now?
Well, first of all, you need to bring back your focus to your sexual need.
Instead of having romantic fantasies, I want you to have sexual fantasies of your oneitis.
Find a porn star that looks just like her and go watch her. Imagine her in all different positions being dirty.
You see, you fell for her “innocence.” You see her as some girl that doesn’t love hard pounding. Actually, she tricked you into thinking this.
But don’t let anyone fool you; every girl loves good sex and pounding, even your oneitis.
I want you to look at her as some sex freak that’s obsessed with dicks. This shift in your mindset is the only way to break your romantic illusion.
Some guys in the pick-up community suggest ghosting as the only option. I agree that this is a good option and if you can do it, just ghost her.
But a lot of guys told me that they just can’t ghost their oneitis because of numerous reasons.
So for them, I will suggest the next thing:
Avoid any meeting with your special girl where you two are not alone in some private place. If she doesn’t want to be alone with you, this tells you a lot about what she thinks of you.
Once you get alone with her, I want you to become as sexual as you can be.
Start with touching her and asking her questions about sex. Whatever criticism she throws, just ignore it. Don’t let her trick you.
Comments like “eyy, that’s gross” or “I’m not a girl like that” are shit tests, and you should ignore them like you didn’t hear those comments at all.
Throw yourself at her, try to kiss her, hold her hand, and everything you say should be around sex.
She might protest.
“I’m going to leave your place if you don’t stop.”
Fine. Let her go. Your goal is to have sex with her or make her so uncomfortable that she leaves.
Never under any cost apologize and change your behavior because of what she says. Never. Letting her influence your behavior is lowering your chances of getting laid.
That being said, she will probably be uncomfortable with your sudden change because she is not seeing you as an attractive fuck buddy but more like a friend. You need to change her perception of you under the cost of never seeing her again.
You need to think about yourself and your needs. By being very sexual, you actually protect yourself.
So stop trying to get her to like you; instead, try to get laid!
Get over your oneitis by chasing other women.
This is not going to be easy. You got used to her sensual female energy and a sudden “break” from it is going to be painful.
So, what you need to do is start cold approaching other women. Start chatting and flirting with other women whenever you can.
Even if you don’t feel like doing it, you HAVE TO for two reasons:
- You need to replace the lack of female energy that you got from oneitis with multiple girls. They will also make you feel good, even if it’s just for a bit.
- Having multiple options, learning how to get laid is a guarantee that this situation will never happen to you again.
This means that if you can contact 10 girls and go out on a date with 4 of them, it will definitely help you with your struggle.
Crush your fantasies with reality
Your main enemy is not the girl you are in love with but your own fantasies. Your brain tricked you into thinking she is some special kind of woman.
What you need to do is to get back into reality.
And the truth is that if she liked you, you probably would already fuck her.
Instead, she is manipulating your emotions just for her benefits. She wants a guy that will always give her validation when she needs.
And she is probably having sex with some Chad from time to time.
You lost the chance to be with her because you idealized her and have this imaginary picture of her that doesn’t have anything to do with reality.
This is why you need to grow above this.
Raise from suffering like a phoenix
If you are traumatized and in depression over the girl that crushed your heart, I’m actually very excited about you.
Every guy that learned how to become good with women had to go through this phase and most likely not just once.
There is no “gamer” on earth that didn’t have oneitis. This is just a fact.
And you will get over this too; that negative emotion that you feel in your chest will go away.
However, the biggest question here is what are you going to do about it? What are you going to learn?
This “oneitis saga” in your life is going to change you, but you need to make sure it changes you in a good way.
First of all, you need to shift your mindset and start approaching women. When you get a date, don’t make another mistake, focus on your sexual need first.
The second important thing is that you should not start hating women. Most guys after a bad experience with a girl start hating chicks simply because those guys don’t understand the hypergamous nature of women.
Don’t hate a scorpion for being one. Don’t hate women for being biologically attracted to alphas.
Embrace that you have been taught the wrong way about dating and move on. You can’t change your past, but you can change your future.
What Oneitis is not – Disclaimer
A lot of times, the PUA community will call an LTR oneitis and that makes newbies confused.
If you have a nice LTR, and you are both in love with each other, then it’s not a oneitis but a healthy relationship. Oneitis is not when you are obsessed with a girl that gives you all you want.
That being said, if a girl is giving you the sex and love you need, don’t be afraid to return it.
Oneitis occurs when a man that doesn’t get too much attention from women focuses too much on his need to be loved and validated and forgets about his sexual need.
Every woman loves good sex, including your special girl, so don’t be shy to push for it!
Instead of doing nothing and just enjoying her presence, try to escalate and move things further, even if that means losing her.
For your own good, start meeting other women. This is the fastest way to improve your dating life.
Oneitis is a disaster but also a great chance for self-development.