What is self-contempt and how to fight it

Self-loathing man


Why some people are so close to success, and they still can’t get it done? Because something inside them is pulling them back and destroys everything they have worked for. This article is the answer you were looking for.

You need to learn to get free from the outcome. Not because that way you will be more attractive to girls, but to protect yourself.

When you get into a situation that isn’t like you imagine it would be, what do you feel at that moment?

First, you start to spurn that situation and after that, you start self-loathing. The funny thing is that you start to hate yourself before you blame it on somebody else. This is how things go by steps:

Attachment ——> aggressiveness ——> self-destruction.

You get more attached to results the more you think or daydream about it. The only real property that you own is your own thoughts. That’s why alpha, beta or theta brain waves are perfect for doing affirmations because then you will act like you already have what you have been imagining. And not only act but also feel. If you just daydream, the moment something doesn’t go the way you wanted, negative emotions arise, and you start self-hate, mostly on a subconscious level.

Self-hate is disastrous on your self-image and it destroys your confidence.

Now, here is the trick. When you want to do the same thing all over again, your brain wants to protect you from that feeling because he knows that you will judge yourself again. And that’s why he blocks you. This is secret behind why every pick-up guru says that you should be “outcome independent”.

If you need to ask a girl for a number or a date, that’s a risk, because you subconsciously know that you will punish yourself again if things go wrong (you get rejected). And that’s when you activate a defensive mechanism that slows down your willpower and finds an excuse.

This is why you shouldn’t go hard on yourself. Stop caring about what other people think and focus on your improvement. Because everytime you care about rejection, you are hurting yourself. Who is some random chick to have so much power over you that you feel terrible just because she rejected you?

When someone (or in this case, you) repeat negative attitude often enough, then that emotion doesn’t disappear, it eats your soul and body inside and out. That’s where self-destructive behavior comes.

What is the solution?

This is all great but, what is the solution? What you should do is that you should look to failure as a remedy to success. You need to stop disparage yourself and look at the situation as it is.

In fact, boost your brain with positive emotions every time you get rejected. You should laugh and make it fun. Saying that you need to improve is good, but thinking you did something wrong and stupid is a completely different thing. Never judge anyone, and especially not you, you always did your best. And don’t be afraid that you will become arrogant, you are far from that.

Doing your best is also helpful. When you do the best you can, why would you be bitter when you fail? You did all you can do, and there is something peaceful in that. Because you know that the rest of the job is not in your hands. When you approach a girl, you can fail because of something that doesn’t have to do with you at all. And that is very often. Again, don’t judge women, love them.

On the other hand, when you miss an opportunity to approach, you should go hard on yourself. Because you could and you didn’t do anything. So when you go hard on yourself, your brain knows that next time you decide to not approach your body will feel terrible again. Same thing with escalation. When you are just being a pussy and not escalating, you should feel bad. That is the right mindset you should have.

Celebrate small victories, but celebrate failures too, because after every failure you are one step closer to the goal.

And as self-contempt starts to disappear that’s when you will start to love and respect yourself more with every next morning you wake up.




  1. This is exactly the article I was looking for today. Perfect timing. I got burned down last night. Around 20 rejections. Went home to sleep, but it was difficult, my confidence is shaken. Thank you for this. I’m far away from celebrating rejections but I will let you know when I get there!

    • Hey Michael, thank you for your time and my very first comment. Crash can happen to everyone, but as long as you get up next day and do your thing, it’s all good. looking forward to your comments in the future.

  2. I think self-critique is a healthy thing. How else are you going to become better? Fail, but see where you failed and try to improve that. I don’t see how are you able to see what your mistakes are when you celebrate rejections?

    • Smiley, thank you for your comment.

      Learning from mistakes and being angry at yourself are two different things. If you analyze every single step while being in the process you can only get stuck in your head. You self-analyze when you get home and have time to think. That is the place for self-critique, not when you are on streets. Note again that understanding your mistakes are not the same as self-contempt. You can’t be angry at yourself no matter what, that is not a healthy emotion to have.

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