I have come home from one of the best night out this week. What made it so special aren’t only results but the level of enjoyment I had. I was in the so-called zone or “state.” So I decided I should write an article about entering that state, and keeping it through the night.
First, let’s define, what is a state?
Definition and characteristics of the state.
Let’s say alcohol puts you in a state which we can accomplish without it.
The state represents total immersion, everything else is forgotten. Ego disappears. You don’t care about rejections; you don’t give emotional importance to anything, you just don’t care. Outcome independence becomes very real; you feel that your mission is just to have fun.
Nothing else matters more than what you are doing at the moment. So-called present state.
Characteristics of the state:
- Feeling complete.
- The rush of positive emotions and calmness.
- Feeling that you are the source of good emotions in the environment.
Women draw energy from others because they tend to feel the full specter of emotions. For a man, it’s a losing strategy since we don’t need negative emotions like sadness, angriness, stress or jealousy. We are drawing state from inside. That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy things around you; it just means you don’t depend on external factors. Be satisfied with or without the results.
My State
I don’t drink alcohol or use stimulants; I learned to get into the zone that, in any way, exceeds one of my drunk friends. In other words, I’m drunk without alcohol and in control – there are no negative consequences, throwing up or headaches in the morning. Most of the times I am the person that has the most fun, and everyone thinks I’m using some drug or alcohol because of my freedom, but the truth is I j ist don’t care what others think of me.
The big irony in life is that the more you care what others think of you, the worse they think about you.
When I started to out in nightclubs and approach women, it was unpleasant; I had the feeling that everyone in the club was having fun, except for me, I was just standing there like a tree, and I felt bad. But I never gave up, I knew that the only thing I need to do is to keep going out. If I went out- I won. If I didn’t – I considered that as a fail. After some time it becomes easy.
Today the situation is like this: When I’m out with my crew from social circle, they are getting drunk in front of the club for 2 hours (I don’t drink alcohol. Heck, I don’t even drink coffee), but when we get in the club, I throw them in beta mode. They are standing and watching, and I look like the one who is drunk. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m jumping around like I’m crazy, but simply I do what I want since I don’t feel any pressure from the environment. Going out solo have helped me the most, start doing it if you haven’t.
So how do we enter the state? Let’s get through some stuff here:
REFRAMING NEGATIVE INTO POSITIVE
This is the most common problem with players in the game and with people in general. You get close to getting into a zone, but when you experience few rejections it gets you out of the mood or even worse; directly crash your state, and you hit bottom, your mind tells you: “Who am I fooling, I’m not good enough. This is a bad night; I just want to go home.” After a few state crashes a lot of guys also start to rage: “who is this bitch to act like that? Who is she to reject me?” I know some men that gave up on the game after few hard crashes.
Let’s say you approach a girl, everything went great and then you approach next girl and she rejects you. After that, you think only about that turndown, but you forget about the good reaction from that first girl? You forget the fact that you are outside and getting tougher while all your peers are playing WoW, eating chips and jerking off to bad porn? That’s a very familiar situation.
I will tell you the secret for entering the zone without doing anything crazy and hardcore out of comfort.
Are you ready?
Consider every rejection as a great thing! When you get rejected, you continue, try to escalate more, and you will get an even harsher rejection from the same person, smile, have fun, tell her to see you tomorrow – don’t be late, while you are smiling.
You should actually celebrate every rejection. You are celebrating the fact that you are fooling around with things other guys are ashamed or deadly afraid of. You approach, if it doesn’t go well, you fucking laugh to yourself, you laugh because you just now know that she is not willing to have sex today with you, and you laugh because you don’t need to waste more time on her. Say thank you to her. You shouldn’t take anything in night game too seriously because people are there to have fun and to forget about it tomorrow which a lot of girls do. We have a great article about club game and how should you do clubs, in case you want to go deeper into this.
After 3 rejections I am usually ready for the night. I don’t care.
Every rejection is a brick in your happy stronghold. When you do this shift in your head, you will see new hills and valleys you never thought they exist. Good approach – good, bad approach – good. Everything is just fucking great. There is no limit for you.
FAKE SMILE
This is especially important for starters. My wing isn’t smiling enough; he doesn’t behave like a player. He rarely smiles when he approaches, and that isn’t good. Maybe you ask yourself now: “Why should I smile if I don’t feel like smiling, I’m not going to act like someone else!”
Those who know something about NLP will know how to answer:
There is a connection between body-brain relation and through 20+ years every time you were happy, you would put a smile on your face, and that will signal to your brain that you are in a good mood. If you feel indifferent, and you smile, your brain will say: “Okay, chemicals of happiness I command you to flow!” Serotonin will do his thing, and change happened. There is whole science behind it
People will smile if you smile. You heard about mirror neurons, right? When you see someone laughing his ass off, you laugh too even though you don’t know what the hell is that about? People you are talking to feel what you feel. So if you are horny and show that to her with that alpha smile, what is she going to feel?
Practice having a player smile (not beta shy one). Almost like you are horny. Start looking at girls as you are having sex with them. And the ones that look at you back means they want you to bang them.
That whole “fake it till you make it” thing sounds like some lame old school PUA lie that is invented to take money from betas. But remember, there is no such thing as “who you are inside.” You are defined only by what you do. Also, don’t forget to check the interview with Chris Widman (MMA champion), where he says:
“Truth is, I lost to a lot of guys I should’ve beaten. I wasn’t mature enough to put in the work it took to win a national championship. I was that talented kid who wasn’t working as hard as he could, and when you’re not working as hard as you can, you don’t feel like you deserve to win. I never had that true confidence going into a match where I thought; there’s no way this guy’s beating me because I worked way too hard.
And that’s what I changed when I got into MMA. I decided I was gonna be the hardest-working kid in the room. I wasn’t gonna be that kid who’s not reaching his potential or not making the most of his ability. I put on this face of a hard-working, tough, gritty wrestler — which isn’t at all what I was; I just wanted to create that illusion. And after about a year of pretending to be the hardest worker in the room, my habits changed, and I became that person. I basically faked it till I made it. Knowing that there’s nobody out there working harder than I am, gave me the confidence that I couldn’t be beaten. And that’s when I stopped losing.
I knew that to be the best, I had to beat the best, and Anderson Silva was the champion in my weight class. I used that same “fake it till I make it” strategy to convince myself that I could beat Anderson Silva. From the very beginning, every time I trained for a fight, I didn’t train to beat the guy I was fighting. I trained to beat Anderson Silva. I was still so new to the sport, and he was this unbeatable mythical figure to me, so I told myself, He’s human. He can be beaten, and you have what it takes.
And I started believing it, even though nobody else did.
“
Hope this can clear some things. Moving on.
LOWER CRITERIA FOR SUCCESS
If your goal is to pull and get laid, you are in trouble. That means whenever you don’t f-close, you FAILED.
When your goal is to show up in a club (which is the great goal if you are a newbie) – you feel relaxed when you enter the club, because you already won!
Real criteria: Taking action. If I act, I won. There could be rejections, or not; I don’t care since I approached and tried. The result? Outcome independence, pushing yourself to become better.
I rarely have bigger criteria than this.
If you are afraid that small goals will kill your killer instinct, why don’t you make a goal, for example, to do your best to get laid? That way you will push yourself to action, and not get frustrated with rejections. It sounds crazy but give it a try.
Every goal you put to yourself should be beneficial to you, and not something that you will fail most of the time. Make it so that it pushes you to action but also not too hard to achieve. Maybe starting a conversation is a good one?
It releases you the pressure too; now you don’t have a problem “I don’t know what to say.” I usually go to a chick and tell her “I have something important to tell you” and to be honest, I don’t know what it is, I just push my mind to be creative that way.
Lower criteria -> easy to win -> easier to enter the state.
Once you enter the state, you can set a higher goal.
OPEN VS CLOSED BODY LANGUAGE
Closed body language as crossed legs, crossed arms, hands in pockets, holding drinks up near your chests and others closed and defensive stands that feed your feeling or fear, and shyness, are bad body language that you want to stop doing. Every time you felt shy and defensive you crossed your arms. It’s again about the body-mind relationship. Your brain noticed that you take that posture and he thinks it’s because you want to protect yourself from danger.
You can avoid all that if you use more relaxed body language: Hold your drink at waist level, your legs should be wide as shoulders, the center of balance on your heels and not toes. All in all, you should stand as you usually stand when you are relaxed.
A study from Columbia and Harvard Universities showed that body language that represents power can subconsciously affect our decisions. Those in the powerful poses were 45% more likely to take a risky bet.
Have one thing in mind; positive emotions won’t rush to you just because you have good posture. It takes time until they come.
Get used to having open body language, and soon you will feel the difference.
HOW TO ENTER STATE
Very simple.
The craziest thing you do, the sooner you enter the state.
Focus on the outside.
The more you do something out of comfort zone, the more likely you will enter the state.
STATE CRASH
Even instructors and guys with the great game have state crashes, they understand and accept the fact that they have a bad night. You should accept it too if it happens. This is not a sprint, it’s a marathon, and that’s how they are treating it.
When state crash happens, the solution is always action. The action is ALWAYS the solution. Call it “practicing the power of will” if you want, but just go and approach. Real players don’t play this game only when they are in a good mood, they do it all the time.
“That what you resist, persist.”
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR WING CRASHES
When your wing is having a bad night, giving him advice is a bad idea because you are putting him in beta mode in that way.
Taking the advice in the middle of an activity is not effective.
You should not talk about pick-up strategy in the middle of the game, leave that when you are alone with him and when everything finishes. Even tomorrow will be fine. So, save advice for LATER.
So, what SHOULD you do?
When your wing crashes, the key is to avoid talking about pick-up. Understand that small amount of strategy that you are discussing won’t change the game of your wing in a short period of time. Go with him, eat, or play billiard, have fun. Move your focus from pick-up for a while. Don’t even state that the night is awful, avoid that too.
Let him come back on his own. Just joke with him and put him in a better state than he was a few minutes before. That will help.
Ideal wings are helping and increasing the value of one another through the night because they are both cool.
Good luck.